


Smize

by mahbecks



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Barely There Relationships, Chill XV, Crack, Explicit Language, Friendship, Humor, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-13
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-13 12:08:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11184813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mahbecks/pseuds/mahbecks
Summary: “Maybe this isn’t what it looks like,” Noctis said. “I mean… Gladio’s got cousins, right? Cousins that look like him?”“C’mon, Noct,” Prompto retorted, hiding his giggles behind a hand. "Be real, here."“Gladio isn’t a model, Prom,” Noctis stubbornly persisted. “He’s my shield.”“Noct. This is a romance novel. And that is Gladio. I'm just saying - no matter what he does for you and your dad, he also apparently moonlights as freaking Fabio, man!”





	Smize

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, guys, I really don't know. Please don't take this too serious, hahaha, it's an attempt at fluff and humor and fun for anyone who might be feeling a little sad :)

It was just a job.

A little something on the side, something to make Gladio a little more cash. Training Noctis was important and all, and Gladio fully recognized and owned up to his responsibilities. That was his duty, his place. But being a prince’s sworn shield didn’t exactly pay the bills.

In fact, it paid nothing at all.

There _were_ benefits, though - good ones, too. He’d gotten an apartment free of charge when he’d declared he wanted to move out of the Amicitia manor, and he never paid rent or utilities. There was a damn good cafeteria too, so he was never wanting for food, and the twenty-four hour clinics provided whatever medical care he could need. And it wasn’t that the Crown just provided basic amenities - training gear, practice clothes, equipment… anything he wanted, he could talk to a lady at a desk in a certain section of the Citadel, and the next thing he knew, there was a brown box sitting outside his door.

It wasn’t a bad gig. He was doing a lot better than most people in these troubled times, and whenever he needed something that _wasn’t_ provided by the Crown, his dad had always picked up the tab. Gods knew his family could afford it - his ancestors had been hoarding money for centuries, and Clarus Amicitia wasn’t exactly a big spender. He practically _begged_ Gladio to let him buy him stuff.

And yeah, sometimes Gladio let him. A new pair of shoes, an occasional book for school, a case of beer…

But he didn’t like to mooch. It wasn’t his style. He’d much prefer to provide for himself, make his own money his own way.

Nor did he like to be idle. Seeing to Noct’s physical training was important, as was watching his back in case of trouble. But there was only so much he could do while the kid was at school, and Noct had outright forbid him from following him down his public high school’s hallways. It left him with long periods of time in which he had nothing to do, and in all honesty, it was a little boring. More than just a way to make money, his job was something to _do,_ something that got him out of the house.

And it meant he got lots and lots of free books. How cool was that?

Answer - really fucking cool.

He’d not told anyone else about his work though. He didn’t think they’d understand. They’d wrinkle their noses, raise their eyebrows, ask unnecessary questions. Now, it wasn’t skeevy or anything, no, nothing like that, but it _was_ a little… unusual. He could admit it. It was the sort of occupation that you had to follow up with an explanation, a short description of what it was you actually did so no one got any funny ideas. But Gladio didn’t much feel like explaining it, so he’d kept it completely to himself.

No one knew.

Not Iris, not his father, not even Ignis, his very best friend and hopefully, one day, something more. Nah, it’d just be weird if they knew.

Besides, he could guess what their reactions would be.

Finding out that _he_ was the guy on the cover of all those romance novels he read? _He_ was the shirtless cover model running a hand through his hair? (It was actually wigs most of the time, because “chicks dig long hair”, or so his boss had said, but never mind that).

Yeah, he could see it now.

He’d fucking never hear the end of it.

* * * * *

“Dude.”

Noctis grunted when Prompto threw an arm out to stop him, catching him full in the chest. “Ow,” he muttered, pushing his friend’s arm away. “What was that for?”

“Look at this.”

Prompto shoved a book into Noctis’ arms, pointing to the cover. It was a romance novel, one of those bodice-rippers Gladio was so fond of reading. _A Love for All Seasons_ was written across the top in red, curling letters, placed just above a photograph of a very tanned, very muscular man, a pretty woman desperately clutching at his middle.

“Why does she look like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like…” Noctis waved a hand, trying to think up the right words, “Like she’s getting off just from touching his abs, or something.”

“Maybe she is,” Prompto replied, laughing. “I mean, he’s pretty ripped.”

Noctis scrunched his nose up. “Gross.”

“But look - not at her, look at the guy!”

“Okay…”

Noctis did as he was told, staring down at the man on the cover. He was handsome, Noctis supposed, with a strong jaw and heavy brows set over warm, brown eyes. There was something familiar about him, too, though Noctis couldn’t quite put his finger on what it was.

Maybe he was an actor or something?

“What am I looking for?” he said finally, turning back to his friend.

“Doesn’t he look a little like… Gladio?”

Noctis looked back down at the cover, certain Prompto was wrong. The cover model had long hair, for one thing, nearly reaching his waist, and for another, this guy didn’t have any tattoos. Gladio’s torso was covered in them.

Besides, Gladio had a job.

A kind of important one, according to Cor, and Clarus Amicitia, and his dad, and literally everyone else in the Crownsguard.

So no, it couldn’t be Gladio. It was impossible.

But then he looked at the cover a little more closely, really studied the facial features on the model, and he saw the scar neatly bisecting the guy’s left eyebrow, the little mole on the side of his ribcage, and if he looked closely, he could barely see the faint lines of badly covered-up tattoos, and -

“Fuck!”

Across from them, the school librarian shot him a scandalized look, angrily holding a finger up to her mouth.

“Sorry,” Noctis muttered, embarrassed. He looked back at Prompto. “Maybe this isn’t what it looks like,” he said. “I mean… Gladio’s got cousins, right? Cousins that look like him?”

“C’mon, Noct,” Prompto retorted, hiding his giggles behind a hand. "Be real, here."

“Gladio isn’t a model, Prom,” Noctis stubbornly persisted. “He’s my _shield_.”

“Noct. This is a romance novel. And _that_ is Gladio. I'm just saying - no matter what he does for you and your dad, he also apparently moonlights as freaking Fabio, man!”

“It can’t be…”

“Dude.” Prompto finally took the book back, flipping to the first page and running a finger along the paper. “This doesn’t just look like Gladio. This _is_ Gladio. Don’t believe me? See for yourself!” He held the book up, pointing to the copyright page.

And there, in tiny, black letters, Noctis had it confirmed -

“Cover Models - Gladiolus Amicitia, Livia Crassus, All images copyright Ludus Studios”

“C’mon,” Prompto said, snapping the book shut excitedly and half-dragging Noctis over to the circulation desk. “Let’s go.” He handed the librarian the book. She shot both of them a perturbed look, Noctis’ earlier exclamation apparently not quite forgiven.

“Where?” Noctis demanded, ignoring the librarian's icy gaze.

“Thanks,” Prompto said, taking his book back from the woman. To Noctis, he asked, “Isn’t it obvious?”

“Uh, no?”

“ _We_ are going to show Iggy.”

* * * * * 

“Astrals preserve me…”

Ignis couldn’t quite believe his eyes.

It was there, clear as day, and yet… He removed the glasses from the bridge of his nose, wiping them on a corner of his shirt, intent upon clearing away any dirt that might have been clouding his vision. He put them back on a moment later.

But no, the image adorning the cover of the novel Prompto had gleefully handed to him a moment earlier hadn’t changed. The same man and woman were still there, the woman’s arms thrown around the man as if she couldn’t bear to be parted with him, and the man still bore _Gladiolus Amicitia’s_ face.

He was sure of it. There was no mistaking Gladio’s handsome features, or the wolfish grin gracing his face in the photograph. Ignis would recognize it anywhere - and not just because he was half in love with the man. No, it was distinct, one of Gladio’s signature expressions. 

“Where did you find this?” he asked, setting the book to the side.

“School library,” Noctis replied, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“This is what passes for literature at your school?” Ignis scoffed. “Deplorable.”

“So is it him?”

Prompto sighed. “ _Yes,_ Noct, it’s him,” he said. “C’mon, we established that hours ago!”

“Yeah, but…” The prince turned to Ignis for confirmation. “Specs?”

“I can confirm everything Prompto has said, Noctis,” Ignis said. “That is indeed Gladio.”

“But… how? Why?”

“Let’s find out.”

Ignis picked the book up and strode over to his laptop, sitting idle on his kitchen table. After a little bit of searching, he managed to find the book publisher’s website, and he quickly scrolled to a list of romance novels the company had put out in recent years. Each book was accompanied by a picture of the cover.

And each cover featured a different version of Gladio, every time accompanied by a beautiful woman with something Ignis could only describe as a heaving bosom threatening to spill forth from a shirt two sizes too small.

One photograph had him in a blonde wig, wearing a skin tight leotard and a pair of ice skates.

Another had him in a puffy shirt and trousers, an antique sword strapped to his back and black eyeliner smudged around his eyes.

A fair number of them had him contorting the women into increasingly preposterous positions. Sometimes they clung to him, hands clawing at his forearms; in other pictures, he had them nearly bent over backwards. One was even sitting before him on her hands and knees, mouth agape, head thrown back seemingly in ecstasy, but that particular novel was labeled with several warnings for explicit content, and Ignis scrolled down before either Noctis or Prompto could notice it.

“Is this like… his job?”

Ignis frowned. “Of course, not, Prompto, he’s Noct’s shield,” he replied. “Gladio wouldn’t…”

But then again, being a member of the Crownsguard wasn’t a particularly lucrative position. What spending money Ignis had was a direct result of the King's interference, a direct order to afford Ignis a monthly stipend. To his knowledge, Gladio had no such salary. 

Was Gladio strapped for cash then?

That didn’t seem likely, considering the number of digits the figure in Gladio’s savings account had. And he’d never mentioned anything of the sort to Ignis. In fact, he was always _insisting_ on paying for things when they went out together - movie tickets, food, gasoline, covering parking passes… it was a little annoying, really. Ignis would rather they split the costs of things, fifty-fifty, right down the middle. But Gladio fought him on it every time, and sometimes, Ignis just didn’t feel like arguing.

He pursed his lips at the computer screen, frowning.

“Dude, this is amazing,” Prompto said, leaning over Ignis to look at more of the photos. “I can’t believe Gladio’s a _model._ I mean, he's attractive enough, and he's got a good body, but this is something else, yeah?” He giggled, pointing to a picture of Gladio in a very tight, red bathing suit.

Ignis' body reacted a little more indecently to the photo, and he quickly scrolled past it, settling safely on a picture of Gladio riding a horse. 

“I can’t believe he’s a model for _these_ books,” Noctis said. “Read some of the titles - _A Night to Remember, His Lady’s Secret Fantasy, The Velvet Dragon, The Rod of Dominion?_ They’re borderline pornographic.”

“There’s nothing borderline about it,” Ignis murmured wryly.

“Okay, ew, I was trying _not_ to think about what a velvet dragon is, thanks.”

“It’s a-”

“Whoa, Iggy, please!” Prompto laughed. “We’re virgins here!”

“You are not,” Noctis retorted, rolling his eyes. “You told me you had sex with Portia last week.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah! Yeah, I did.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“Well, I mean, I _think_ I did,” Prompto huffed.

“...you _think_ you did?”

“C’mon, man, it was prom, there was a _lot_ of tulle involved-”

Noctis groaned. “I’m never talking to you about your sex life again.”

“Better than talking about _your_ sex life-”

“You mean his hand?”

All three of them jumped and spun as the door to Ignis’ apartment slammed shut behind one Gladiolus Amicitia, having let himself in with the spare key he knew Ignis kept under his doormat. No one spoke, too startled to think of anything clever to say.

Ignis froze where he sat. How could he have forgotten that Gladio was on his way over? It was nearly time for Noct's training session, and he'd _known_ Gladio was coming to get him. Ignis cursed internally, scolding himself for getting so caught up in their internet sleuthing. He snaked a hand back and slammed his laptop shut, trying to be inconspicuous. It didn’t work, not if the way Gladio’s eyes narrowed was any indication.

“What’s up with you three?” he asked, taking a few more steps towards them.

Ignis felt Prompto tense up beside him, and Noctis was openly staring at his shoes.

That left him to come up with an answer.

“We were just discussing the prom,” he said finally. “It was last week.”

“Yeah?” Gladio crossed his arms over his chest. “Someone get lucky?”

“What?” Prompto said weakly.

“Well, you were talkin’ about sex, and then Iggy mentioned prom, so I’m just trying to put two and two together here.”

“No one got lucky!”

“I thought you did,” Ignis said, grateful for the distraction.

Prompto laughed nervously. “Uh, I think I might’ve gotten to third base, man, but like I said - too much tulle.”

“When it happens, it happens. You'll know.” Gladio leaned against the counter then, nodding to Noctis. “You ready to go to training?”

“What?”

Gladio cocked an eyebrow. “You ready for training?” he asked, slower this time.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Let’s go.” Noctis jumped to his feet, making for the door.

One of Gladio’s arms shot out, effectively blocking the entrance to the apartment. “Okay, seriously,” he said. “What is going _on_ here?”

“Huh?”

“You, just agreeing to go to training? No complaints?” Gladio turned to Prompto and Ignis. “And you two - not meeting my eyes, shuffling your feet, and Prompto’s redder than a fucking strawberry. What gives?”

“We know!”

Ignis groaned.

Noctis looked like he wanted to sink into the floor. 

And Prompto, indeed redder than many a fruit, had clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with shock at what he just let slip.

Gladio frowned. “You know _what?”_ he asked.

“It was an accident,” Prompto said quickly, laughing nervously in the face of such a stern visage. Not that Gladio was truly angry, no - Ignis could tell when his friend’s temper was truly riled, and right now, he was confused more than anything. But Gladio was nothing if not a little intimidating, and right now, towering over the lot of them, he was quite the frightening picture.

“ _What_ was an accident?”

“I just found it at the library, and I, I picked it up, and you were there, only we didn’t think it could be you, so we brought it to Iggy, and-”

Gladio turned to Ignis, looking for an explanation. “Iggy?”   

Ignis took a deep breath. “It’s nothing, really,” he said, picking up the book he’d put aside earlier. “We just seem to have stumbled upon some… pertinent information about you.”

“Information?”

Ignis wordlessly handed Gladio the book.

Gladio took it, still frowning, and looked down at the cover. His eyes slowly widened as he realized what he was looking at. “This is-”

“We didn’t know you were secretly Fabio!”

Just like that, the silence was broken.

Gladio burst out laughing, Ignis sighed, and Noctis perked up, grateful to no longer be the certain of attention.

“ _Fabio_?” Gladio asked. “Who the hell is Fabio?”

“It’s him, that guy on the cover!” Prompto let out another nervous laugh. “Well, I mean, technically, it’s _you_ on the cover, but that’s what that guy’s name is, yeah? Fabio? Like, that notorious sex guy-”

“ _Sex guy?_ The fuck does that-”

“The stereotypical male model on the cover of romance novels is often referred to as Fabio,” Ignis cut in, feeling the need to explain before things got out of hand. “It was based off an actual person, one of the first male models to do such print work, whose name was Fabio Grimaldi. He was from Altissia.”

“Yeah, name kinda gave it away,” Gladio muttered. He handed the book back to Ignis, running a hand through his hair. 

“Look, we just kinda found this book in the library. We didn't go looking for it,” Noctis said. “Like Prom said, we thought it was you, but we weren’t sure, so we… kinda checked it out and asked Iggy?”

“Asked him what?”

“If it was really you,” Prompto helpfully supplied.

Gladio turned to Ignis. “Did you know or something?”

There was something about the way that he asked that made Ignis pause. It was… a tentativeness, a hesitancy that he wasn’t used to seeing in his headstrong, confident friend. It gave Ignis pause.

“No, I didn’t,” he said. “It was as much a shock to me as it was to the others.”

Gladio nodded slowly, and then turned to Noctis. “Hey, meet me in the training rooms, will you? I’ll be there in a minute. And take this one with you, alright?” he added, pointing to Prompto.

“Gladio-”

Gladio held up a hand, giving Prompto an easy smile. “I’m not mad, Prompto,” he said. “It’s okay, really. I just wanna talk to Iggy for a sec.”  

“You sure?” Prompto asked. “I mean, if we weren’t supposed to know, I’ll try and forget-”

“Speak for yourself,” Noctis muttered. It was louder than he must’ve thought, for three pairs of eyes swung towards him, and he flushed. “Hey, I’m just saying - there’s _no way_ I can forget that.”

“Yeah, I guess not,” Prompto admitted.

“I don’t care - really,” Gladio said. “Just… don’t go spreading it around, yeah? Haven’t exactly told my old man about this.”

Prompto’s smile was genuine that time, not tinged with worry or concern. “Sure!”

“Now go - I’ll be down in a minute.”

Noctis nodded, grabbing Prompto by the arm and making for the door.

Gladio turned back to Ignis. “So, yeah… probably should’ve told you about that.”

“Not if you were uncomfortable with it,” Ignis replied. “Everyone has their secrets, Gladio.”

“I know that. I just… I don’t like keeping shit from you, yeah? I mean, I tell you everything. Well,” he said, grinning sheepishly, “not everything, I guess.”

“It’s nothing, Gladio,” Ignis assured him. “No harm done.”

Gladio nodded.

Then, because his curiosity got the better of him, Ignis had to ask -

“Why do you do it?”

“Money,” Gladio said simply. “It pays well. And it gives me something to do during the middle of the day.”  

Ignis frowned.

“Hey, don’t gimme that look. You know I got nothing to do when Noct goes to school. Well, other than train. But that takes an hour, two tops.”

“That isn’t what I - no, that’s not what I meant, Gladio. Why do you do _this_?” He held up the book, tapping his finger on the cover. “Why not work as a… a server somewhere, or a bartender? A personal trainer, even?”

Gladio shrugged. “Dunno,” he said.

“You don’t-”

“I had some lady approach me on the street once, ask me if I’d ever considered modeling. I told her I hadn’t, and she told me that I should. Gave me her card and everything. Told me I could make it big with my size and good looks.” He flashed Ignis a winning smile, and Ignis rolled his eyes, even as he was forced to admit the lady’s judgment was impeccable. “Anyways, I called her up a year ago, told her I was interested, and she got me a shoot with Jules-”

“Who?”

“A photographer,” Gladio replied. “I liked it more than I thought I would, and Jules said she needed someone again the next week, and asked if I was interested, and so I just kinda… accepted.”

“...and that’s that. You’re a model.”

“I’m a model.”

“You’re Fabio.”

“I am _not_ Fabio.”

Ignis stared at the cover of the book for a moment and then set it aside, rising to his feet. “Well. I believe that will suffice for my unexpected moment of the day.” At Gladio’s quizzical look, he smiled. “There’s always one. Normally it involves Noctis - though I suppose today, technically, also involved him.”

“You aren’t mad I didn’t say anything?”

“No.”

“And you aren’t… weirded out by this?”

“It’s a little… unusual, but no, Gladio, I’m not weirded out.”

“Good.” Gladio smiled. “Thanks, Iggy.”

"Does it matter?"

"Hmm?"

"Would it matter, if I thought it was strange?"

Gladio considered this a moment, biting his lip. "Yeah," he said finally. "It would."

Ignis cocked his head to the side, ignoring the way his pulse sped up a little in response to Gladio's admittance. "Why?"

Gladio hesitated, and then shrugged. "It just would." He stood there a moment longer, looking as if he wanted to stay. But he turned around, heading for the door, and cleared his throat. "Well. Guess I should head out. Later, Iggy."

"Wait." Ignis held out a hand to stop him. Gladio raised an eyebrow, and Ignis lifted the book. “Take this book to Prompto, will you?” he asked.

Gladio nodded, taking one long look at the cover and snorting. “Fucking wigs,” he said. “They itch like crazy.”

“Mmm, it’s not an entirely unappealing picture.”

Gladio blinked. “What?”

Ignis smirked. “You should grow your hair out, Gladio. It suits you.”

“...yeah? You’d like my hair long?”

Ignis chuckled. “Very much so.”

Gladio grinned.

“I’ll remember that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! 
> 
> As always, feedback is always appreciated :)


End file.
